Perhaps you should take it upon yourself to own the best piece of property. I owned Proudspire Manor in Solitude long before I married anyone.
Same here. My character got married after becoming the owner of two houses: Breezehome in Whiterun and Honeyside in Riften.
There is a list of people(male/female) whom you can marry.(guessing you already know)
Guess you are not talking to right ladies.
That, or you're not doing the right things. Many characters won't ask to marry you until you complete a particular quest for them, ranging from a simple miscellaneous quest to a full-scale main quest.
If you want to know exactly what to do, check out the wiki (contains plenty of spoilers).