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Aug 05 2008
By: Edizzle8002 Umbrella Scientist 13691 posts
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I am the best Warhawker ever. Better than Chammond.

112 replies 30 views Edited Aug 5, 2008

Okai, so here's the story. I joined me a nice, 32 player Archi CTF server that was still on the loading screen. I start off as a Eucadian, and pick up a rifle and grenades (4). As I look out into the distance, I sense incoming planes armed with bombs! My team was filled with newbies who mostly just started this week, and all had Airmen ranks. It was up to me, the only General on our side, to save the day.

 

So first off I positioned some of the less capable n00blets into turrets, and had them aim for enemy aircraft. I next placed two people in a tank aiming at our flag, one driving and the other wielding a deadly wrench/RPG combo. Next, I had men positioned on the hill on the second level with sniper rifles. Finally, I lined up the troops on the bridge, acting as some kind of wall or roadblock for the enemy intruders. Then, it hit me! I placed mines right behind the ground fodder's "roadblock", so that any vehicle who dared to plow through my ranks was met with an ugly surprise. I myself manned a .50 caliber fixed emplacement overlooking the road. 

 

The Nemesi (plural for Nemesis) flew at us quick as lightening. I saw them hovering over my turret monkies, ready to drop their clusters. I tried to swing my turret over and fire at them, but it was stuck in the ground. I did what I had to, and mustered all my strength, and pulled it out of the ground just like Master Chief! The enemies all had full health, so there was only one thing that could be done. Just as their hatches opened, I aimed. One by one their cluster bombs came out, and one by one I used machine gun bullets to blow them up before they hit the ground. I intercepted them so close to their dispatchers, in fact, that the primary wave of Nemesi were destroyed in the process!

 

My n00blets cheered, but only 3 minutes had passed and I knew there was still much more to come. I looked over to my men positioned on the hill on the second level....they were dropping like flies due to enemy sniper fire! I pressed start and looked at the other team's players. To my dismay, there was listed:

 

Gamesage

Koingwolf

RTAM

TheHulk guy

iamnoir

oBessahawk

odessahawk

 

All-star snipers! Hell, a second later I heard one whizz an inch above my head! 

 

I remembered my n00b days at that moment, spent holding onto a knife and waiting above sniper pickups for my prey. I was tempted to leave my post and sneak to the enemy lines, but my rank of General supressed my blood lust. Instead, I endured. Soon, the next round of aerial bombardment was going to arrive. 

 

And soon it did. Within 30 seconds of the sniper fire's end, fleets of Nemesi (actually just 6) were at our door! I grabbed hold of my .50 cal, but alas, the barrel had overheated. I gripped the assault rifle, clenched my teeth, and prepared for the battle of my life. The aircraft sent swarms and homers at us, but they never reached their target due to me shooting the missles before they hit. Eventually, the grew weary and sent in Gamesage. He hovered coyly above, representing some kind of impending doom. Oh god no! The TOW!!!

 

My hands were sweaty and my aim was off. I fired some rounds off at the giant purple behometh, and then ran out! It was just me, my pistol, and a TOW. BAM! BAM! BAM! Argh, get a hold of yourself Paradasian! You can't go out like this, only n00bs get killed by TOWS when they have pistols! I had one second before the beast entered my killzone...BAM! KABOOOOOOM! It detonated prematurely, taking out the entire enemy air force (for now) and leaving my ground troops unscathed! 

 

Several of my men (especially those standing beside me) collapsed, gripping their helmets and sobbing about their close encounter with death. Over the mic, of course. I yelled as loud as I could, "Return to your positions, n00blets! It ain't over yet!"

 

That was good enough for them. I took this limited amount of calm and peace to gear up and gather weaponry. I got an RPG, a flamethrower, binocs, a sniper rifle, BFG, wrench, and rifle. There were 20 minutes to go and get that enemy flag to our base, and I was the one to do it. I assigned my 1st Lt. to take charge of defensive operations, and assembled a crack team of the best Airmen I could find. I was driving the jeep, one Airman (we'll call him Jim) in the passenger side, another (Bob) on the turret, and a surfer (Frank) crouching on the hood, struggling to stay on top. Just before moving out, I adressed the defenders, awarding them all Presidential Meritous Conduct Ribbons. 

 

Seconds later, a huge convoy appeared on the bridge, aiming for our flag! I hadn't anticipated such a huge attack (13 enemies!) so soon after the failed aerial assault. These Chernovans were persistant, but we were prepared. The cluster of jeeps and tanks tried to ram through our line of troops, but they met land  mine shrapnel! I took the opening and sped down the highway with my teammates. 

 

We bumped down the road with no resistance at first, and that worried me. Soon, the middle base was in sight. Frank's head exploded across my windshield like a smashed watermelon....Sniper fire, coming from the bunkers! I swerved to the left, opting to go around the enemy encampment. Slowly, I guided the jeep tires over the treachorous cliff, careful not to steer to the right and send my team plummeting to the water. Without breaking a sweat, I made it onto the other side with the enemy home base in clear vision. No doubt by now the enemy snipers positioned in the middle had alerted the team of their failure to stop us....oh well, we'd have to take whatever they threw at us.

 

Including tank shell. So much tank shell. They ambushed us on their bridge! Who knew tanks could be so sneaky. 

 

"Jim! grab my RPG and let 'em have it!" I ordered!

 

"Bob, take this wrench and fix the jeep while I use the .50 cal!"

 

They obeyed, and I got up on the turret, letting loose on the enemy tanks (5 of them). The new and improved 1.3 .50 cals made mincemeat of the superiorly armed tanks....but Jim got hit sometime in the crossfire and his pelvus exploded instantly. There was nothing that could be done for him. I grabbed my RPG, ordered Bob to take the wheel, and manned the turret. 

 

We approached the flag cautiously, but after a few moments of waiting I realized those tanks were the only line of defense stopping us from getting to our goal. I hopped out of the jeep, cracked a smile at Bob and headed into the enemy barracks for the flag. It stood there, glowing red, so I grabbed it and strapped the thing onto my back. It was heavy, but I could manage. When I got to the jeep, I noticed that Bob wasn't there...What was going on?

 

Suddenly, a lone Nemesis arose, equipped with lighteneing. The pilot used a megaphone (actually cross team chat was enabled) to communicate.

 

"Har har har! I will kill you, and get my 10 points for returning the flag!" he said.

 

"n00b, they changed the save points to 3 with patch 1.2!" I laughed.

 

"Whatever you say, General Paradasian!" he said.

 

"Wait, how do you know my name? My god, is that you Bob? Did you switch teams just to kill me and save the flag for points?" I asked. 

 

All I heard was a laugh, and he fired off a single lightening charge. I took the wheel and high tailed it out of there, the traitor hot on my six. I reached back with one hand and used the .50 cal turret to blast him out of the sky. Somehow I made it back home safely, flag in hand for the capture. After earning my team a point, I got a well deserved rest inside a bunker. 

 

I closed my eyes for 30 seconds, looked at my screen to see the fatal "You were kicked for being idle too long" message! NOOOOOOOOOO! At first, I wanted to turn off my PS3. I then realized though, that my troops needed me. Without a general on their side, all would be lost and my previous 15 minutes worth of work/play would have been pointless. I found the server again and rejoined. To hell with the winning team ribbon!

 

All was not right when I respawned. I had on Chernovan armor and our main base was empty. I checked the scoreboard; apparently after my flag capture, all the Chernovans switched teams! I was the only man in my army.....it was up to me to score the win for my side, even if it was a different side than before.

 

I got fully equipped, got into a hawk, and flew up to a sniper position. I could barely see the enemy heads bobbing up and down (I game on a 13 inch 1967 black and white TV) but I got my kills every time I pulled the trigger. Green text (well, at least I've heard its green) kept streaming down the side of my screen. After maybe 90 seconds of this, they wanted revenge. They all hopped into Warhawks and hunted me down. 

 

I sniped a couple out of the sky before they reached me, but one broke through my fire and came level with my face. It was Gamesage, and he was pissed as hell.

 

"I'll get you for what you did to the fleet! Nobody uses a TOW against me, especially not my own!" he roared.

 

"Whatever you say.....Ashley," I gave him a smirk, and before he could blast me away, I no scoped him out of his c0ckpit, leaving the plane still intact. I jumped into the Warhawk and flew as high as I could, to the stall. As it was stalling, I used the dismount glitch to eject. I was a single troop, free falling through the air. I sniped maybe 50 Warhawks before I ran out of ammo for my rifle. My RPG met 30 pilots in the face, and my binocs must've torn over 100 families apart. 

 

My streak was nearing its end though....I looked down and saw nothing but a watery grave. I began to pray to FSM, but sudeenly a friendly Nemesis swooped down and took me upon its wing. It was Frank!

 

"Frank, you're alive! But I saw your head blown to pieces! How in the world...?" I said.

 

"I respawned, General. I thought of quitting to protect my k/d ratio....but I respawned. Screw Chubbums, he can keep his nice clean record and I'll take my 1.07!"  he cried triumphantly. He hovered low, dropping me off in the enemy base before blown to oblivion by an RPG. No time to mourn, I had to move on. I had a flamethrower, and I was ready for some charred Eucadians!

 

I burned my way through the enemy defenses (in fact, the very ones I myself had set up) and grabbed the blue flag. As I headed back to home base, defending my jeep from enemy fire, I glanced at the clock. TWO MINUTES LEFT! Not enough time to get home, go to the enemy, grab the flag, and go home again. At least, not for one troop. I pressed the PS button and with my left pinky, guided my split screen doppleganger to the enemy. I capped the flag with one side of the screen...My other grabbed the flag as soon as it respawned at the blue base. Thankfully, it was FCTF, so I just got into a hawk and jetted home for the capture. 

 

Score was 2-1, with 30 seconds left. To my surprise, I turned into a HERO!!!! Must be one of those sudden death if you're outnumbered kind of things. I decided to have some fun with the mine I recieved. I used my superhero strength to flip over an APC and strapped the mine onto the bottom. Next, I used a Dropship to pick it up, and hovered ominously over the enemy flag, where all 30 other players were huddled around (including the Eucadian Hero, Chammond, who was trying to flagtoss, to no avail). I start suicided and watched the fireworks as the APC fell to the earth. Boom, 30 instant kills, partly in thanks to Chammonds own ladmine he placed in the middle of the crowd....haha!10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, game over.

 

Long story short, I won a CTF when I was outnumbered and got a ton of points (over 9000). 

 

 So yeah, all you other Warhawkers can begin kissing my feet.

 

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Fender Bender
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Re: I am the best Warhawker ever. Better than Chammond.

Aug 5, 2008
srry, but didnt want to read it, i read to"Okai", then stopped
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Re: I am the best Warhawker ever. Better than Chammond.

Aug 5, 2008
dude way too much to read... Where did you find the time for this novel?
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Uncharted Territory
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Re: I am the best Warhawker ever. Better than Chammond.

Aug 5, 2008
sweet mother of jesus that is the most txt i have ever seen plz change some colors so it looks smaller and im not scared 2 read
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Fender Bender
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Re: I am the best Warhawker ever. Better than Chammond.

Aug 5, 2008

Paradasian wrote:

Okai, so here's the story. I joined me a nice, 32 player Archi CTF server that was still on the loading screen. I start off as a Eucadian, and pick up a rifle and grenades (4). As I look out into the distance, I sense incoming planes armed with bombs! My team was filled with newbies who mostly just started this week, and all had Airmen ranks. It was up to me, the only General on our side, to save the day.

 

So first off I positioned some of the less capable n00blets into turrets, and had them aim for enemy aircraft. I next placed two people in a tank aiming at our flag, one driving and the other wielding a deadly wrench/RPG combo. Next, I had men positioned on the hill on the second level with sniper rifles. Finally, I lined up the troops on the bridge, acting as some kind of wall or roadblock for the enemy intruders. Then, it hit me! I placed mines right behind the ground fodder's "roadblock", so that any vehicle who dared to plow through my ranks was met with an ugly surprise. I myself manned a .50 caliber fixed emplacement overlooking the road. 

 

The Nemesi (plural for Nemesis) flew at us quick as lightening. I saw them hovering over my turret monkies, ready to drop their clusters. I tried to swing my turret over and fire at them, but it was stuck in the ground. I did what I had to, and mustered all my strength, and pulled it out of the ground just like Master Chief! The enemies all had full health, so there was only one thing that could be done. Just as their hatches opened, I aimed. One by one their cluster bombs came out, and one by one I used machine gun bullets to blow them up before they hit the ground. I intercepted them so close to their dispatchers, in fact, that the primary wave of Nemesi were destroyed in the process!

 

My n00blets cheered, but only 3 minutes had passed and I knew there was still much more to come. I looked over to my men positioned on the hill on the second level....they were dropping like flies due to enemy sniper fire! I pressed start and looked at the other team's players. To my dismay, there was listed:

 

Gamesage

Koingwolf

RTAM

TheHulk guy

iamnoir

oBessahawk

odessahawk

 

All-star snipers! Hell, a second later I heard one whizz an inch above my head! 

 

I remembered my n00b days at that moment, spent holding onto a knife and waiting above sniper pickups for my prey. I was tempted to leave my post and sneak to the enemy lines, but my rank of General supressed my blood lust. Instead, I endured. Soon, the next round of aerial bombardment was going to arrive. 

 

And soon it did. Within 30 seconds of the sniper fire's end, fleets of Nemesi (actually just 6) were at our door! I grabbed hold of my .50 cal, but alas, the barrel had overheated. I gripped the assault rifle, clenched my teeth, and prepared for the battle of my life. The aircraft sent swarms and homers at us, but they never reached their target due to me shooting the missles before they hit. Eventually, the grew weary and sent in Gamesage. He hovered coyly above, representing some kind of impending doom. Oh god no! The TOW!!!

 

My hands were sweaty and my aim was off. I fired some rounds off at the giant purple behometh, and then ran out! It was just me, my pistol, and a TOW. BAM! BAM! BAM! Argh, get a hold of yourself Paradasian! You can't go out like this, only n00bs get killed by TOWS when they have pistols! I had one second before the beast entered my killzone...BAM! KABOOOOOOM! It detonated prematurely, taking out the entire enemy air force (for now) and leaving my ground troops unscathed! 

 

Several of my men (especially those standing beside me) collapsed, gripping their helmets and sobbing about their close encounter with death. Over the mic, of course. I yelled as loud as I could, "Return to your positions, n00blets! It ain't over yet!"

 

That was good enough for them. I took this limited amount of calm and peace to gear up and gather weaponry. I got an RPG, a flamethrower, binocs, a sniper rifle, BFG, wrench, and rifle. There were 20 minutes to go and get that enemy flag to our base, and I was the one to do it. I assigned my 1st Lt. to take charge of defensive operations, and assembled a crack team of the best Airmen I could find. I was driving the jeep, one Airman (we'll call him Jim) in the passenger side, another (Bob) on the turret, and a surfer (Frank) crouching on the hood, struggling to stay on top. Just before moving out, I adressed the defenders, awarding them all Presidential Meritous Conduct Ribbons. 

 

Seconds later, a huge convoy appeared on the bridge, aiming for our flag! I hadn't anticipated such a huge attack (13 enemies!) so soon after the failed aerial assault. These Chernovans were persistant, but we were prepared. The cluster of jeeps and tanks tried to ram through our line of troops, but they met land  mine shrapnel! I took the opening and sped down the highway with my teammates. 

 

We bumped down the road with no resistance at first, and that worried me. Soon, the middle base was in sight. Frank's head exploded across my windshield like a smashed watermelon....Sniper fire, coming from the bunkers! I swerved to the left, opting to go around the enemy encampment. Slowly, I guided the jeep tires over the treachorous cliff, careful not to steer to the right and send my team plummeting to the water. Without breaking a sweat, I made it onto the other side with the enemy home base in clear vision. No doubt by now the enemy snipers positioned in the middle had alerted the team of their failure to stop us....oh well, we'd have to take whatever they threw at us.

 

Including tank shell. So much tank shell. They ambushed us on their bridge! Who knew tanks could be so sneaky. 

 

"Jim! grab my RPG and let 'em have it!" I ordered!

 

"Bob, take this wrench and fix the jeep while I use the .50 cal!"

 

They obeyed, and I got up on the turret, letting loose on the enemy tanks (5 of them). The new and improved 1.3 .50 cals made mincemeat of the superiorly armed tanks....but Jim got hit sometime in the crossfire and his pelvus exploded instantly. There was nothing that could be done for him. I grabbed my RPG, ordered Bob to take the wheel, and manned the turret. 

 

We approached the flag cautiously, but after a few moments of waiting I realized those tanks were the only line of defense stopping us from getting to our goal. I hopped out of the jeep, cracked a smile at Bob and headed into the enemy barracks for the flag. It stood there, glowing red, so I grabbed it and strapped the thing onto my back. It was heavy, but I could manage. When I got to the jeep, I noticed that Bob wasn't there...What was going on?

 

Suddenly, a lone Nemesis arose, equipped with lighteneing. The pilot used a megaphone (actually cross team chat was enabled) to communicate.

 

"Har har har! I will kill you, and get my 10 points for returning the flag!" he said.

 

"n00b, they changed the save points to 3 with patch 1.2!" I laughed.

 

"Whatever you say, General Paradasian!" he said.

 

"Wait, how do you know my name? My god, is that you Bob? Did you switch teams just to kill me and save the flag for points?" I asked. 

 

All I heard was a laugh, and he fired off a single lightening charge. I took the wheel and high tailed it out of there, the traitor hot on my six. I reached back with one hand and used the .50 cal turret to blast him out of the sky. Somehow I made it back home safely, flag in hand for the capture. After earning my team a point, I got a well deserved rest inside a bunker. 

 

I closed my eyes for 30 seconds, looked at my screen to see the fatal "You were kicked for being idle too long" message! NOOOOOOOOOO! At first, I wanted to turn off my PS3. I then realized though, that my troops needed me. Without a general on their side, all would be lost and my previous 15 minutes worth of work/play would have been pointless. I found the server again and rejoined. To hell with the winning team ribbon!

 

All was not right when I respawned. I had on Chernovan armor and our main base was empty. I checked the scoreboard; apparently after my flag capture, all the Chernovans switched teams! I was the only man in my army.....it was up to me to score the win for my side, even if it was a different side than before.

 

I got fully equipped, got into a hawk, and flew up to a sniper position. I could barely see the enemy heads bobbing up and down (I game on a 13 inch 1967 black and white TV) but I got my kills every time I pulled the trigger. Green text (well, at least I've heard its green) kept streaming down the side of my screen. After maybe 90 seconds of this, they wanted revenge. They all hopped into Warhawks and hunted me down. 

 

I sniped a couple out of the sky before they reached me, but one broke through my fire and came level with my face. It was Gamesage, and he was pissed as hell.

 

"I'll get you for what you did to the fleet! Nobody uses a TOW against me, especially not my own!" he roared.

 

"Whatever you say.....Ashley," I gave him a smirk, and before he could blast me away, I no scoped him out of his c0ckpit, leaving the plane still intact. I jumped into the Warhawk and flew as high as I could, to the stall. As it was stalling, I used the dismount glitch to eject. I was a single troop, free falling through the air. I sniped maybe 50 Warhawks before I ran out of ammo for my rifle. My RPG met 30 pilots in the face, and my binocs must've torn over 100 families apart. 

 

My streak was nearing its end though....I looked down and saw nothing but a watery grave. I began to pray to FSM, but sudeenly a friendly Nemesis swooped down and took me upon its wing. It was Frank!

 

"Frank, you're alive! But I saw your head blown to pieces! How in the world...?" I said.

 

"I respawned, General. I thought of quitting to protect my k/d ratio....but I respawned. Screw Chubbums, he can keep his nice clean record and I'll take my 1.07!"  he cried triumphantly. He hovered low, dropping me off in the enemy base before blown to oblivion by an RPG. No time to mourn, I had to move on. I had a flamethrower, and I was ready for some charred Eucadians!

 

I burned my way through the enemy defenses (in fact, the very ones I myself had set up) and grabbed the blue flag. As I headed back to home base, defending my jeep from enemy fire, I glanced at the clock. TWO MINUTES LEFT! Not enough time to get home, go to the enemy, grab the flag, and go home again. At least, not for one troop. I pressed the PS button and with my left pinky, guided my split screen doppleganger to the enemy. I capped the flag with one side of the screen...My other grabbed the flag as soon as it respawned at the blue base. Thankfully, it was FCTF, so I just got into a hawk and jetted home for the capture. 

 

Score was 2-1, with 30 seconds left. To my surprise, I turned into a HERO!!!! Must be one of those sudden death if you're outnumbered kind of things. I decided to have some fun with the mine I recieved. I used my superhero strength to flip over an APC and strapped the mine onto the bottom. Next, I used a Dropship to pick it up, and hovered ominously over the enemy flag, where all 30 other players were huddled around (including the Eucadian Hero, Chammond, who was trying to flagtoss, to no avail). I start suicided and watched the fireworks as the APC fell to the earth. Boom, 30 instant kills, partly in thanks to Chammonds own ladmine he placed in the middle of the crowd....haha!10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, game over.

 

Long story short, I won a CTF when I was outnumbered and got a ton of points (over 9000). 

 

 So yeah, all you other Warhawkers can begin kissing my feet.

 


2 Long 2 Read. So U Said U Got Over 9000 Points In A CTF Round?

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Treasure Hunter
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Re: Post your Audio/Video setup

Aug 5, 2008

allme wrote:
srry, but didnt want to read it, i read to"Okai", then stopped

Lol. I skimmed it. Very good story. I like how it was written in good grammer. Not like, "i shot me a wrhwk dawn wit just me bear pistal."

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Re: Post your Audio/Video setup

Aug 5, 2008

t3hlazy1 wrote:

allme wrote:
srry, but didnt want to read it, i read to"Okai", then stopped

Lol. I skimmed it. Very good story. I like how it was written in good grammer. Not like, "i shot me a wrhwk dawn wit just me bear pistal."


 

but thats y its so long lol
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Re: Post your Audio/Video setup

Aug 5, 2008
tl/fwi
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Re: Post your Audio/Video setup

Aug 5, 2008
To summarize, I pwn you.
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Re: Post your Audio/Video setup

Aug 5, 2008

LOL

 

f$%#@$% long post...

 

KUDO YOU!!!!

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